It’s nearly Christmas – AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Winter is well and truly here. The German market has hit (few weeks late reporting this I know), it gets dark at 4pm, there’s frost on the car in the morning, I’m rapidly piling on the winter weight and the shops are full of tacky, tasteless Christmas crap.

In a vain attempt to keep warm and look remotely slender I have rummaged through all manner of ridiculous storage solutions for warm, flattering and large sized clothes. The selection process has left me wondering if I have ever actually purchased any nice winter clothes and why I let myself put on winter weight every year (it is, to be fair, keeping me warm so it seems like a sensible thing to do given the distinct lack of nice winter clothing available – business idea anyone?).

During my rummage I found some scrumptiously soft cream leather flat boots, once worn and then lost forever (or at least until now) in the abyss that is my third wardrobe; these beauts have been reinstated into my wearable wardrobe and will be perfect for manoeuvring my way through the mass of idiot Christmas shoppers that appear to be taking over Birmingham, although one wear has left them scuffed and stained – cream is not a good look when you have a three-year-old.

My endeavours to bring back other items was, unfortunately, less successful. Upon a recent visit to my son’s favourite indoor soft play centre (Imagination Street – in case you’re looking for somewhere easy to take the kids) I tried to spruce up a recycled jumper by teaming it with high-waisted dark denim, sky-high rich purple suede ankle boots and a perfectly matching handbag, in both colour and texture. The lovely proprietor of Imagination Street said just how lovely I looked but then commented “well apart from that jumper; it’s a shame when we try to please granny by wearing her well intentioned but complete ludicrous presents, never quite works does it?” Bloody cheek!

Another nearly reinstated item didn’t even make it out the house after enduring an hour of torment from my lovely family about how I should only wear this once beautifully fitting dress after a couple of months at the gym and eating nothing but salad. Well if your family can’t be honest with you who can?

Other items that I would LOVE to prance around a winter wonderland in either simply don’t fit; have been eaten by moths; discoloured by being partially sunlit for the last year (one part is now considerably lighter than the rest of the garment); or distorted by a home wash from mother when the label quite clearly states ‘dry clean only’.

Well this has been an enjoyable rant, I leave you with a picture of my boots – the only successfully re-established item. Happy Christmas shopping! x

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